About The Bossman
I go by the bossman and I am a married, 35 year old parent of two children (One with ADD). I have been married to an incredible and talented SAHM for ten years. My wife's goes by onetiredmomma and I am going to actually dedicate this blog to her, because through my adventures I have begun to understand what she has gone through as a SAHM.
The basis of this page is a dialogue of the challenges I face trying to learn how to take care of children and house. It is meant to be completely humorous, but I appreciate any input from mothers to help in my daily struggles. I have come to learn that parenting and maintaining a household is the hardest JOB that anybody will ever do. It is also the most fulfilling. There is nothing like a day filled with "Daddy, can I have....?" or "Daddy, I want....?" and the always horrible "Daddy, so and so is sitting next to me" constantly throughout the day at least a thousand times to drive a parent to complete insanity.
Characters In my blog
Fast Boy
Fast boy our nine year old son with ADD. He is currently in third grade and quite the challenge daily. Wither it is fighting to get his room clean or some other devious behavior, HE pushes all of us to our limits on a daily basis.
Princess
Princess is my six year old daughter who I think is going on sixteen way to fast.
Onetiredmomma
I can really not say enough about this special person. I will not lie and say our marriage has been the best all the time, but I would not change a thing. She is awesome at computer programming and if you need something done check out her website;
She also does a lot of of other pages
Games we like to play-scrabble tips
Tips on pages setup for myspace
Creating Website basics
Affiliate Marketing
Touch my windows-"I kill you"
So late last night I decided to focus a little on cleaning those spots that aren't in the normal cleaning routine. So this morning I cockedly mentioned to the Party Lady that I was going to wash the house windows. It was my every intention of having all the house windows washed in a few hours, but as I have witnessed during my bathroom cleaning endeavors; nothing ever goes to plan when I clean. So I started by setting up my playlist and off I went. I started on the front screen door with my two little helpers in toe. Well let's just say the helpers lasted about two seconds until a bird flew by and they were done helping. So I looked at the door covered in dirt and fingerprints and just "thought what have I gotten myself into". So I went to the magical chemical room (otherwise known as the cabinet under the sink) and grabbed some windex. Which just didn't do the trick, so I went back the chemical room and started mixing everything I could find. Murphy's oil wax, some old peppermint schnapps, a little baking soda, and some container that didn't have a label on it. And the scrubbing began in earnest. So five hours later I finished only PART of the job. All I completed was six windows, the screen door, chemically altering the mind set of a flock of birds flying by, got stung by bee's-TWICE, and covered myself in enough cob webs to cover the next horror movie set.
I did learn this though...cleaning house windows SUCKS. Of course after all that, what is the first thing that my helpers do...yep you've got...hand right on the window. I just about flipped. The offending hand was quickly removed and all I could see in my mind was that dead arab dude saying "I KILL YOU".
Mathematical Equation of Parental Stress
So it was Saturday night before Fastboy's Birthday party. My wife had worked very hard to setup a special pool party for Fastboy, but due to the time of year, most of the children couldn't make it or never rsvp'ed. So we moved his party to the local park for some bike riding, ice cream cake, water gun wars, and water balloons. So by now I am sure you are thinking what does this have to do with the mathematical equations? Well let me tell you that sometimes guys with a degree in Physics aren't the smartest people in the world and try to fight basics physics laws. So let me re-introduce (since you probably saw this in high school) the basic components of PV=nRT
P is the absolute pressure of the liquid
V is the volume of the Liquid
N is the number of moles of Liquid
R is the universal Liquid constant
T is the absolute temperature.
So as I over filled water balloon after water balloon drenching myself and the silly cat, I forgot there is only so much water a person can put in a water balloon before it bursts. Then I had a physics moment and decided to create my own law on parenting.
See if you have kids, invariable at some point they have driven you to a spot called complete eruption of logic into something with less control and a hell of a lot more cursing. So to my friends, I introduce the new law on parenting that will save the world over and keep parents from reaching their bursting point (and hopefully win me the noble prize on parenting because I could use the money);
P is the absolute stress that the parent has encountered since the birth of the child (this has a variable to be added called..."why did we have a second one" that represents the number of children the parent has. This is an exponential component so for three children P would be cubed)
V is the volume of the times the child has asked "Can I have something to eat" or whatever they asks for continuously throughout the day. This also has a factor to be added for the number of children once again being exponential with the number of children
N is the number of alcoholic drinks the parent has in the house ready to be consumed
R is the universal alcohol constant which does lead to brain damage and birth defects...but also has the great benefit of numbing the senses and letting parents forget that they even have children
T is the absolute number of drinks the parent needs to drink without having to leave the house and kids unattended for more then 1 second (in prior research it was uncovered that it only takes one second for a child to get in trouble).
This is called a balanced equation... if either P or V goes up, then N or T need to go up to maintain equilibrium (R is a constant and doesn't change therefore has no effect other than knocking your socks off after consuming enough). So in applying this new law to your world...If a child is driving PV up..then somebody must get some alcohol to the parent to drive nRT up or else there will be a sudden combustion of the parent. Likewise if the parent is driving up nRT by relaxing on the deck with friends and cocktails, undoubtedly the kids will be that much more stressful- increasing the PV side of the equation and ruining the relaxing evening the parents were enjoying unless they start consuming faster. It can also be seen parents with multiple children have to consume more alcohol to maintain their sanity.
So the next time a mother of two children is observed throwing back drinks like there may be a shortage of alcohol next week, realize that the mother is only trying to maintain the balance of the world that is defined by basic physics principles. Thank the mother for what she does daily (trust me..wearing the dress is harder than wearing the pants), buy her a drink, and thank god that I came up with this silly law.
*The author has spent the day running from store to store with his children without any alcohol and may be close to exploding. Please send alcohol or other relaxing techniques to save the world from falling out of equilibrium.
